Chukat: Do we water seeds of peace or seeds of conflict?

Torah Connecting Exploitation of Resources and the Failures that Lead Us to War

Torah offers an incredibly prescient teaching this week. She (Torah, a feminine voice) connects human failure to maintain a sustainable and respectful relationship with natural resources, specifically water, to our reliance on war, violence and humiliation to meet our needs for safety and security.  Torah and her commentators dive deeply into what is understood as a catastrophic evolutionary failure. 

The Back Story

   Miriam dies in this week's Torah section and the whole community witnesses her death and burial and are left without water.  The Breath of Life wants to revive the people and instructs Moses and Aaron how to get water. Speak, both of you, to the stones of the earth where water is stored. Use the rod that came from Egypt and knew only the way of violence, but now use it as a talking stick. Be a leaders who recognizes and leads the evolutionary steps necessary from use of brute force and humiliation to our higher powers of speech.

Talk to the stones as Miriam had and their secrets will be revealed. Open to the life flowing energies of the feminine circle and life will return to the people. 

Instead, Moses is stuck in a state of anger and strikes the rock- twice. Aaron is frozen and mute. Strangely, great amounts of water pour forth from the rock. Yet neither leader has understood how to use the rod as a talking stick and so waters of conflict flow into and doom the thirsty mouths. Torah calls the place the Waters of Conflict.

What is Torah teaching us about misuse of power and resources and the roots of conflict?

Moses chose to meet the need for life by striking the rock twice. Anger led him to that choice of strategy.  As a leader Moses chose to exercise his power to strike, to use violence to meet the needs as he understood them.

The unfolding of the Torah story makes it clear that his choice to strike the rock for water was the wrong choice. Was it wrong because he struck at all, or because he struck twice?

We know all too well that sometimes violence to prevent greater harm is unavoidable. Parents pull children away from fire or oncoming cars. People, animals, natural forces, may descend upon us and we act to stop them. And then we come to the choice point: do we humiliate and punish or do we reach for the talking stick?

When we strike twice, adding humiliation and punishment,  we lose our highest human capacities.  This is what happens to both Moses and Aaron as a result of striking the rock. They didn't understand that we humans have been given the gift of communication so that we can evolve away from taking more than we need and meeting our needs without regard to the greater impact.

Instead, just a few verses later in the story, the people once again are wandering in the desert without water. The relief from thirst was short term. The other tribes and peoples living sustainably in the desert wilderness hear about the Israelites' taking water and turn against them. They become isolated, feared and hated by all the other nations who had been sharing the land. 

The Israelites become isolated in the world.  They are lost without a leadership that can see beyond their anger to pick up the talking stick and make respectful use of resources.

Torah is asking us to consider, when is violence excessive?  Is there any time we don't need to pick up the talking stick, to turn weapons into talking sticks? Was it the first striking of the rock, or the second that doomed Moses, Aaron and the people?  Is any use of violence toward others excessive? Is there always a different path, through communication and partnering? The 11th century Torah commentator, Rashi, wrote that Moses and Aaron missed the whole point. What Life Unfolding envisions from leadership is modeling that even the stones of the Earth will respond to words. The whole exodus from the place of enslavement is so that we can evolve into beings who sit together and find solutions through communication. Yes, water can pour from the rock from violence. But then all we are doing is reinforcing the use of violence. And surely this is not what is meant for Life.

As the 18th century Moroccan kabbalist Or HaChaim taught, every reader of this story is meant to probe and find the meaning of the narrative.

These are the questions of our day. Is the choice to use violence by one group of humans against another ever in alignment with the basic human value of choosing life to resolve conflict? How do we decide this?

This week I am deeply inspired by two peacemakers, one Israeli Jewish and one Palestinian. They will be speaking in NYC Sunday night at 5 and 7 pm . Here they are for a TED talk:

Here are the two events in NYC where you can meet and hear them:

Tips for the Talking Stick

I also would like to share here one of the worksheets we used in our recently completed Nonviolent Communication (NVC) course on Speaking about Antisemitism and Islamophobia in the context of the current crisis in Israel/Palestine. NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg emphasized in his teachings that we want people’s choice of action to be motivated by what is feeding the energies of life. Not by fear or violence or humiliation or shame. That is surely the teaching of this piece of the Torah.

Suggestions for Deep Listening and Picking Up the Talking Stick

Be willing to be affected and changed

Relax your body; center yourself in the intention to listen,

learn and connect

Be curious and open

A key purpose of using Nonviolent Communication

(NVC) is to connect my humanity with your humanity. When

curiosity is present, there is no notion of enemy.

Lean in and give the other person your presence and their

space

Listen fully to the other person, and if you can’t, ask them to

wait until you can

Put on special listening ears so you hear their feelings and

needs, NOT their judgments.

Reflect Back after the other person finishes sharing:

Your first words are not your opinion- you still hold the

floor for them:

To let them know you value what they said and want to

make sure you got it:

Ask: Would it be ok if I said back what I heard is

important to you, so I can make sure I heard what you wanted

me to hear? If they say yes:

You say, I heard that you feel________ because you

need/value/dream/yearn for _________.

Ask: Did I hear what you wanted me to hear? Is there

more you’d like me to hear?

Expressing Yourself:

Be in the present moment: Be aware of what is invisible in the

space between you and the other person. Personal history?

Societal power and privilege dynamics? Your history of not

speaking out? Your history of speaking more words than people

enjoy hearing? You are more comfortable in another language?

You feel nervous because……..

Empower yourself to say any of it out loud, as a concern that

there are things that might make it hard for the two of you to

build trust, connection, respect. AND say clearly that you

WANT to build trust, connection, respect, understanding….

Ask: will you stop me the moment you hear blame or feel

shame? Because those are NOT the energies that I want to

put in motion.

Now I express:

This is how I feel ( in my body, in my emotions)

Finish with a Connecting Request

What would you like to hear back or learn after you share?

Do you want to know what the other person heard you say?

Empower yourself to ask the other person to reflect

back what she heard you say?

Do you want to know if or how your words touched the other

person?

 Empower yourself to ask them to share how they felt

hearing your words.

Do you want to know if the other person agrees with what

you said?

Empower yourself to ask them if they agree with ( and

repeat specifically what you want to hear from them).

Roberta Wall

steps2peace.com